I need your help...

Disneyland Birthday!

My 30th birthday was the best birthday EVER! I was not looking forward to being 30 and still single. So I decided to take a trip to Disneyland with my family and that was the best thing I could have done! As I watched the magical fireworks, with tears in my eyes, I thought to myself 'I'm 30, and I'm in Disneyland, and everything is going to be okay!"

It has been an emotional year but I've been making a lot of good changes. I'm realizing that I need to invest in myself and my own needs in order to be truly happy and be able to serve Heavenly Father's children.

Disneyland really is a magical place! I love it! Why?!?! Because at Disney, they really know how to treat people and make them feel like a million bucks. That is the single most important thing they do that has made them SO successful. The Disney employees are so kind and patient and are there to do whatever it takes to make your day magical.

Have a Magical Day!

I had a few experiences that illustrated the amazing kindness and patience of the Disney employees, despite disgruntled, selfish, and impatient park guests and exhausted, overstimulated screaming children.  Disneyland isn't perfect and I'm sure there are occasional bad experiences with the employees. But the values and principles that are emphasized and practiced by the employees are a wonderful model on how to be successful in LIFE. We all deal with people every day. Treating everyone with kindness and patience makes everything go so much smoother. It also makes them want to come back again and again!

Everybody loves Olaf!

Cars Land at night is SO cool!

Mom was a good sport and went on California Screaming' since it was my birthday.
Afterward she said "I'm never doing that again!" Thanks for coming, Mom! You were so brave!

I think Tower of Terror was our favorite! Can you tell???

Look who we got to go on Tower of Terror! Mom actually liked it but Dad hated it!

Watch out for the crazy driver!

Radiator Springs Racers was a blast!

Happy Birthday, Princess Katherine

2 days of fun coming to an end

Happy 30th Birthday to Me!

I can't believe my 30th birthday is coming up on May 22nd! It is hard to believe that I have had 30 years of experience on this earth. I couldn't think of anything better to do that spend my 30th birthday in Disneyland and just feel like a kid again in the Happiest Place on Earth! So that's what I'm going to do next week!

Ahhh! I'm gonna be 30!
(Posing for the camera. Disneyland 2009.)

You all know how much I love notes and letters. If you feel so inclined . . . I would love a special 30th birthday letter from you.  Hint . . . Hint . . .

I am grateful for all of you and the influence you have been on me and helping me become the woman I am today. My life is no where near I thought it would be when I turned 30. But I know Heavenly Father has a plan for me and a work for me to do. I'm excited for the future and try every day to be an instrument in His hands to do good among my fellowmen and sisters of Zion. I'm am grateful for the life I have been given, and especially for the Gospel of Jesus Christ which guides my life and decisions. I am grateful for temple and the opportunity to be with my loved ones (that would be you, yes YOU) for eternity. The temple is the REAL Happiest Place on Earth: because it allows me to be with the people I love. And that is what brings me true happiness. Thank you. I love you all!

Don't judge. We all have "tumors."

If you have never had a pet that you loved and cared for, stop reading now...You won't understand this.

My sweet little Raya died on December 11th, 2013. 

I only had her for a short 8 months. She was 8 years old and should have lived until she was at least 12.

Loosing a pet really is like loosing a family member. It felt like loosing a sibling.

It happened so quickly. That morning I heard her usual whine as I was getting ready. Only this morning, it was more of whimper. I went to get her and she was sprawled out outside of her bed. She was cold.  Something was wrong. I was worried, upset, and crying. It was 6 a.m. and I had to get to work. I was still new to pet ownership and didn't know what I should do. I woke up my brother, Joseph. He said he would take care of her. I thought I would take her in to the vet when I got home.

I went to work, worried. Joseph decided that she needed to get to the vet that morning. He couldn't get her warm. They did x-rays. She had a large lump in her abdomen. Joseph called me at work. I knew as soon as I answered his call that Raya was dying. Joseph couldn't even speak, he was so emotional. In tears, I left everything at work and went straight to the vet to say goodbye to my little friend and soul mate.

When I got there Joseph had her in his arms. He was in tears (Joseph has always has a sweet heart when is comes to animals). I was in tears. He said "She's kind of already gone." Raya wasn't responding to voices or to her name and she was twitching.

She was cold... so cold. It broke my heart. Nothing I could do would make her warm again. I hate being cold and so did she. Raya loved snuggling in blankets. We were perfect snuggles buddies because I love blankets too. I remembered that we were going to get her a heated bed to keep her warm for Christmas just a few weeks away. She would have loved that.

As I held her little body, I kissed her cold head and told her that I was sorry I couldn't fix her and that I loved her.  It was so painful to see her suffering. She was twitching and in a lot of pain. It was time to let her go. The vet came in. She said, "It goes pretty quickly." The vet gave her the shot. She jolted a few times. But within 30 seconds, Raya was gone. She was still and at peace.

The vet was very kind and carefully put Raya into a box. In tears, Joseph and I took her home to my parents house to bury her. My dad and brother dug a hole under the snow and my dad said a sweet prayer and we buried Raya with her little bell so that she will jingle in heaven.

I learned a lot from Raya. I opened my heart and learned to love something I didn't think I could love.  Her unconditional love kept my heart soft. Her excited squeals every time I came home melted my heart each day. It was so nice to come home to someone who was excited to see me and loved me no matter what. She was a brave little thing. Despite her tiny size, she had no problem chasing a dog 3 times her size half way down the block, or running over and barking at the creepy man walking by the house. She wasn't afraid. She conquered her fears. She was also extremely entertaining. Watching her try to eat a spaghetti noodle hanging from above was one of the funniest things I've even seen. She was also learning to sit and lay down (you CAN teach an old dog new tricks) but she wouldn't sit unless she was on carpet. :)

We liked to collect tennis balls on our walks in the park
(She was a little camera shy)

I was never a pet person before. I could never understand why people would want a stinky fur ball who leaves messes around your house or yard. Now I understand... It's because of LOVE. These sweet animals are so full of love. They fill the emptiness in our hearts. They give us a chance to practice serving and loving them.  Just a year ago I never would have understood what it is like for someone to loose a pet.  I would have thought..."oh that's sad your dog died...my car died once." I knew loosing a pet was sad and frustrating. But I had no idea how emotionally attached you become to these cute little fur balls. I can now empathize better when other people experience death of a loved one -- animal or human.

Hindsight, I had been having problems with Raya the last several months of her life. She started leaving messes around the house and was barking more at night. She never did that before. I was frustrated with her and trying to discipline her. But now I know that she wasn't trying to be defiant. She was just sick and didn't know how to tell me.

I wish I had known she was sick. It wouldn't have prevented her from dying, but I would have treated her so much differently. I would have been more patient with her and would have kept her warm and more comfortable. I would have let her sleep in my room. She just wanted to be with me at night and didn't want to be alone. But I didn't let her.

I have learned not to judge. We don't always know what a person (or animal) is going through. Maybe they have a big tumor inside. It could be a physical ailment, or maybe an emotional or spiritual "tumor." We might be frustrated about people's actions, but if we understood what they were experiencing and the "pain" they were in, we would have compassion for them. Shouldn't we treat all people with compassion and understanding? We all have "tumors." We all have weaknesses and things we are trying to change and improve about ourselves. Let us all be a little more loving and understanding and give people the benefit of the doubt.

I miss my little Raya every day. I'm grateful for the time I got to spend with her and the things she taught me. Raya better be there in heaven to greet me with her happy squeals!

What's your love language?

Words of Affirmation

Quality Time

Physical Touch

Receiving Gifts

Act of Service

Wanna find out? Take this short quiz to find out: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/

Understanding my love languages helps me understand why I do the things I do. It also helps me understand other people and the reasons behind their behaviors and actions.

My main love language has always been Words of Affirmation. It is explained as follows: Actions don't always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, "I love you," are important--hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. You thrive on hearing kind and encouraging words that build you up.

My second love language, which I have more recently discovered is Physical Touch: Hugs, pats on the back, and thoughtful touches on the arm—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive. Appropriate and timely touches communicate warmth, safety, and love to you.

Since I was a baby, I've had a blue blanket (some of you have seen it). I didn't realize that I was trying to fulfill my "Physical Touch" needs with my blue blanket. Wrapping up in it made be feel safe and secure. I also played with the fuzzies with my fingers. I still have my blue blanket to this day. For now my blue blanket and my dog, Raya are my only consistent sources of physical touch. :) 

Something we need to remember is that we all like and need ALL the love language types. But if we aren't receiving our primary love language, then the other languages won't matter and we won't feel "loved." 

Quality time also means a lot to me: undivided attention from someone I love. Heartfelt gifts mean a lot to me as well. I am touched by the thoughtfulness and effort behind gifts: that they were thinking of me apart from when we are together. Acts of Service is also a big one for me. 

I've noticed that the way I GIVE love is sometimes very different from the way I need to RECEIVE love. I give a lot of Acts of Service. I don't know why, but it is just what I do. I want more than anything to help people and make them happy and make their lives better. So I do whatever I can to serve them. I also give a lot of Words of Affirmation. I'm always trying to be supportive and loving with uplifting and encouraging words. I love writing notes (and receiving notes) that are uplifting and positive. I love giving meaningful gifts that have a lot of thought and effort behind them. I love spending quality time with the people I love. Not just time, but QUALITY time. 

It's not about the nail

Watch this...then read my thoughts...

I have a nail in my head. The nail represents the "problems" in my life: sins, imperfections, challenges, trials, etc. When I look in the mirror, it is hard for me to see anything but the nail. I know there is a nail in my head. I know the nail is causing me pain and suffering. I probably even know what the nail is and have considered several ways to remove the nail. 

What I need is for someone to listen and validate ME: the real me. The me without the nail. The me that I have a hard time seeing because I'm blinded by the nail (my flaws and imperfections). I am also open to hearing your suggestions on how to remove the nail, but only AFTER I have been validated. Because if I'm simply told "well, you need to do this and this and this to get that nail out of your head" then what you're really telling me is to get rid of the only part of myself that I can see at the moment. And that is pretty overwhelming.

I love this video. It is so humorous and yet so true. Understanding this concept helps me in my relationships with others. I want to do my best to be supportive and validating to the people I love. 

Stuck under a glass ceiling

It is interesting how my married friends and family forget that I'm just as old or older than they are. I often hear the words, "I didn't realize you were that old..." Just because they have a husband and maybe a few kids, they feel "older" and more experienced and forget that I have as many or more years of experience in life as they do. I feel them looking down on me, treating me as a "young, naive, and inexperienced" girl who is too clueless to have anything worthwhile to offer them. They talk down to me as if I don't understand. I hate that feeling.

Being single in Happy Valley, Utah at age 29 is like being stuck under a glass ceiling. I can see my married friends and loved ones continue their upward progression as they begin their eternal families and raise them in righteousness. I see their happiness and their hard times leading them up this eternal progression. Their lives are not perfect, but they are accomplishing God's plan, fulfilling His commandments, and learning and progressing as they overcome difficulties.

But I remain below the glass ceiling. As a single woman, it is as if I can only progress to a certain point emotionally, physically, and spiritually. It is hard to look up and see everyone above me, looking down on me as if to say: "Why aren't you up here with us? Maybe you just need more faith. Maybe you're too picky. Maybe you'll come up here in the next life...but it will happen, don't worry. Be happy down there!" Yeah, right! Easy for you to say! You're not down here anymore! They forget so fast what is it like to be single. Sometimes they try to be comforting and say, "It is really hard up here. Marriage is harder than you think. You have no idea. Just enjoy it while you're down there." Oh thanks...I feel SO sorry for you and I feel SO much better down here in your shadows and eating your dust...

I know I shouldn't compare myself to others. But it is hard when we have drilled in our heads since we were 12 years old in Young Women that eternal marriage and family is the most important thing we accomplish in this life, that we should prepare for motherhood, develop homemaking skills, be a good wife, and if we keep the commandments, we will find a righteous husband, get married in the temple, and live happily ever after! Well, they taught me well because that's all I ever wanted. Nothing more. (I WILL change this false "happily ever after" way of thinking when I'm a Young Women leader. This is not a healthy way of teaching the young women).

Well, it hasn't happened the way they drilled me in Young Women classes. Now I feel like a failure. I feel stuck, restricted, lost, helpless, and hopeless.

I need to learn how to be happy now, underneath the glass ceiling, or I'll never be happy in marriage. I need to figure out how to be satisfied with what I'm doing with my life now. Maybe I'll find a best friend and receive the marriage ordinance in this life. Maybe I won't. But I need to be happy with my life now (and I've got a huge problem.  I hate my career...with a passion. I can't even comprehend doing it for the rest of my life. But that's for another conversation). I need to find the things that make me happy and do them. One of the things that makes me most happy is serving others. By serving others and finding other things that bring joy into my life, I will conquer the glass ceiling eventually!  Christ will help me if I trust Him and persevere.