just another Manic Monday

Mondays are really stressful for me this semester because of my clinic schedule, classes, etc. The stress of Monday spills over into Sunday night as I dread the next day.

In my scripture study today I read the scripture D&C 38:30
"I tell you these things because of your prayers; wherefore, treasure up wisdom in your bosoms . . . if ye are prepared ye shall not fear."

If I take the time on Friday to prepare for Monday, then I won't fear it so much. Preparation dispels fear and strengthens faith. The way to prepare is to "treasure up wisdom" through studying, pondering, and gaining knowledge and understanding. This applies to spiritual and temporal preparation. Both will help rid my mind of fear and bring confidence and faith as I face Monday Madness.

Conquering Graduate School (a work in progress)

"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them." - Ether 12:27Whenever I hear someone say, "I like graduate school. It is so much easier and better than undergrad." I have two reactions. First, I want to ring their neck. And then I want to plop down an cry. Because my program is the hardest thing I have ever done.



Me in my "element" as a graduate student

 I am in the Speech-Language Pathology Master's program at BYU. I ask myself every day, "Why am I doing this?" And I haven't come up with a very motivating answer. But because I haven't been able to find better alternative, I continue to move forward, with faith and hope that things will get better.

I often wish I had gone to U of U (which is where I wanted to go initially, but I felt like I needed to come to BYU which was the LAST place I wanted to go).

One of the hardest things about my graduate school program is the constant feeling of panic and confusion, never knowing what is going on or what I need to be doing.

So why am I doing this?

• Education is never a waste of time and I don't have anything else to do. We are encouraged to get as much education as possible.
• Nothing else worked. I considered and tried so many educational/career paths: music, photography, child development, psychology, social work, nursing, child life specialist, autism aide, pipe organ building, Spanish interpreter, and so much more. But all were "dead ends".
• Speech Pathology was one of the the paths I tried and I haven't hit a dead end yet. I told Heavenly Father that I would move forward with faith and take a step into the dark, trusting that if it wasn't right He would stop me and I would be guided to the right path. I'm still here, moving forward . . . hoping that someday the lights will come on.

I must be in this program and this field because it IS hard for me. I am being forced to face some of my greatest fears and weaknesses. It is a refiner's fire: an opportunity that Heavenly Father has given me to grow and become stronger. Maybe I would have been happier at a different school, or a different career. Maybe there would have been an easier option. But this life isn't about finding the easy way out. Heavenly Father doesn't usually let me take the easy path. He wants me to struggle, learn, grow, rise above, and become the best Katherine I can be. Because this is what brings true joy in the end. The trick is being happy and hopeful during the journey. That is what I am working on. (Any ideas?)



My roommates, Jeniel, Rachelle,
and I (dressed up for Harry Potter).

 I have been looking for tender mercies and possible reasons that I am at BYU. The biggest tender mercies I have received have been the people I have met. I love my classmates! They call us a "cohort". There are 15 of us and we have been like a family since day one. We are all in the same classes, same room, every day. We are the perfect mix of personalities which helps keep us all sane. I LOVE my roommates! I have lived with Rachelle for a couple a years and she has been a great blessing in my life! It has been blast to get to know Jeniel who has helped me balance school and play, reminding me to look for the good and choose to be happy.





The "cohort"

 

Conquering My Fears!

This has been the year of conquering my fears! I have been a "first timer" for a lot of things lately. Some aren't exactly "fears" but they are things that I have never done before. Doing things for the first time causes some fear because I have to swallow my pride, humble myself, and be teachable. Some of these things have been a real struggle for me. And some have been just for fun (to help me get through the harder things). This is just the beginning of a list that I hope will continue to grow as I learn and accomplish new things.

First year of graduate school
First time snowboarding
First real blog
First time seeing all the Harry Potter movies
First time driving a manual transmission car
First time tap dancing
First time writing a prospectus/thesis
First time watching all of "My Fair Lady"
First time giving speech therapy to real clients
First time reading the Narnia series
First time giving a presentation in a graduate class
First time singing Handel's Messiah

Other things that aren't "firsts" but that I have been doing and trying to improve:
Basketball with the ward (this can be pretty intimidating)
Piano Duets
Talking with and meeting new people (overcoming social fears)
Organizing and participating in social activities (watch a BYU game, cook dinner, game night, movie night, etc.)
Playing guitar
Learning to WORK hard and PLAY hard.

Next "fears" to conquer:
Swimming
Rock climbing
Being more optimistic and outgoing
More consistent and meaningful scripture study
Expand circle of friends