Always a bridesmaid . . .

I married off another best friend yesterday.  It get's harder each time.  I used to shed a few tears on the wedding day.  This time I bawled for weeks before the wedding, dreading being abandoned once again.  The tears just keep coming and will continue for a while.  My little heart can't handle making such a good friend and then loosing her to marriage.  I'm so happy for Heather, I really am.  But sad for me.  I'm alone again and I hate being alone.  It was so nice to have companionship.  I love Heather a lot and miss her terribly already.  She has been such a wonderful and loving friend.  I'm so grateful for the short few months we had to live together.  I learned a lot from her.  I only hope I was a loving friend to her and an influence for good. I'm happy for Heather and Adriaan as they begin their eternal family together.  I'm so glad they chose to be sealed in the temple and are righteous and worthy of eternal blessings.

I know it isn't the end.  But let's be honest, it is the beginning of the end.  At least, that is how it has always been. I still talk to my married friends periodically, get a Christmas card from them, and perhaps see them every once in a while.  But things are never the same. They are married now and I'm not.  Their priority is their husband and family. They are in a new dimension of life, emotionally, physically, and spiritually.  It is something I haven't experienced and don't understand.  Even though I am older than almost all of my married friends, I feel so much younger.  Being married makes them feel so much more mature than me.  I feel young, naive, clueless, and like we just don't relate anymore. I'm just the single "little sister" who doesn't understand and hasn't "grown up" yet.

I need a permanent friend and companion who won't abandon me.  I need an eternal companion. But I guess Heavenly Father has other plans for me right now and it's up to me to figure out what those plans are.

Looking back . . . 

Here are some of my best friends' weddings over the years. Good times! (There are a few missing that I still don't have pictures of.)  "Always a bridesmaid, never a bride" . . .  Funny thing is, I've never really officially been a bridesmaid, except at my friend Linda's wedding in Colombia.

To my married best friends: 

I love you.  I will love you forever.  I haven't forgotten you and never will.  You are always in my heart.  You are a part of who I am. You are tender mercies in my life. Thank you for your love and friendship. Thank you for your examples of righteousness, obedience, eternal marriage, and raising a family with Jesus Christ at the center of your home. Hugs!

Why a Blog? To Build God's Kingdom!

I know people who are way into blogging. I also know people who are very anti-blogging. I always enjoyed reading other people's blogs but never felt the need to have one myself. But my perspective changed after attending an institute class which focused on using positive media to help spread the blessings of the gospel of Jesus Christ to all the world. This is just one way that I can show the world (or the few people who might read this blog) who I am: that I am a daughter of God who knows that the purpose of this life is to learn and become like Him. And that this is only possible through our Savior, Jesus Christ, who loves me so much that He made it possible for me to repent and overcome my weaknesses so that I can be clean and have joy and happiness now and for eternity.

My perspective on the media and technology in general has changed. It used to be that I would resist new technology for as long as possible (like getting a cell phone, for example). And when I finally gave in (because technology has a way of forcing you to keep up whether you want to or not) I would feel guilty about getting a new phone, or facebook page, etc. But now I have realized that so much good can come from these things. I need to embrace them and use them for good.

Yes, it is true that much negative and evil can come from the media. One can become addicted to facebook or social networking while forgetting to nourish real live friendships with real conversation and quality time. One can become overly competitive with their blogs, comparing their lives with the lives of the other bloggers who have cuter kids, more creative meal ideas, and better photography skills. And not to mention all of the immoral and evil things in the media today.

But I am the one who decides how I will use and participate in the media. Therefore I am deciding to use this blog and other forms of media and technology as tools to help serve Heavenly Father's children and build His Kingdom. I will do this one post, one text, one phone call, one email, one chat, one video, one kind word, and one smile at a time. These things may not go much farther than the minds and hearts of my friends and family. But by sharing my thoughts with the people I know and love, they in turn might share their thoughts with the people they know, and thus begins a chain reaction. This is how the world can be changed and influenced. This is how the message of Jesus Christ can be spread to everyone who wants to hear it.

So please read the things I have to say. They are well thought out and straight from my heart. :o)