BigKath: Just in case you were wondering, "bigkath" is made up of the first part of my last and first names and has nothing to do with my size. :o)

Friday, September 13, 2013

What's your love language?

Words of Affirmation
Quality Time
Physical Touch
Receiving Gifts
Act of Service

Wanna find out? Take this short quiz to find out:

Understanding my love languages helps me understand why I do the things I do. It also helps me understand other people and the reasons behind their behaviors and actions.

My main love language has always been Words of Affirmation. It is explained as follows: Actions don't always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, "I love you," are important--hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. You thrive on hearing kind and encouraging words that build you up.

My second love language, which I have more recently discovered is Physical TouchHugs, pats on the back, and thoughtful touches on the arm—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive. Appropriate and timely touches communicate warmth, safety, and love to you.

Since I was a baby, I've had a blue blanket (some of you have seen it). I didn't realize that I was trying to fulfill my "Physical Touch" needs with my blue blanket. Wrapping up in it made be feel safe and secure. I also played with the fuzzies with my fingers. I still have my blue blanket to this day. For now my blue blanket and my dog, Raya are my only consistent sources of physical touch. :) 

Something we need to remember is that we all like and need ALL the love language types. But if we aren't receiving our primary love language, then the other languages won't matter and we won't feel "loved." 

Quality time also means a lot to me: undivided attention from someone I love. Heartfelt gifts mean a lot to me as well. I am touched by the thoughtfulness and effort behind gifts: that they were thinking of me apart from when we are together. Acts of Service is also a big one for me. 

I've noticed that the way I GIVE love is sometimes very different from the way I need to RECEIVE love. I give a lot of Acts of Service. I don't know why, but it is just what I do. I want more than anything to help people and make them happy and make their lives better. So I do whatever I can to serve them. I also give a lot of Words of Affirmation. I'm always trying to be supportive and loving with uplifting and encouraging words. I love writing notes (and receiving notes) that are uplifting and positive. I love giving meaningful gifts that have a lot of thought and effort behind them. I love spending quality time with the people I love. Not just time, but QUALITY time. 

Thursday, September 12, 2013

It's not about the nail

Watch this...then read my thoughts...

I have a nail in my head. The nail represents the "problems" in my life: sins, imperfections, challenges, trials, etc. When I look in the mirror, it is hard for me to see anything but the nail. I know there is a nail in my head. I know the nail is causing me pain and suffering. I probably even know what the nail is and have considered several ways to remove the nail. 

What I need is for someone to listen and validate ME: the real me. The me without the nail. The me that I have a hard time seeing because I'm blinded by the nail (my flaws and imperfections). I am also open to hearing your suggestions on how to remove the nail, but only AFTER I have been validated. Because if I'm simply told "well, you need to do this and this and this to get that nail out of your head" then what you're really telling me is to get rid of the only part of myself that I can see at the moment. And that is pretty overwhelming.

I love this video. It is so humorous and yet so true. Understanding this concept helps me in my relationships with others. I want to do my best to be supportive and validating to the people I love.