Always a bridesmaid . . .

I married off another best friend yesterday.  It get's harder each time.  I used to shed a few tears on the wedding day.  This time I bawled for weeks before the wedding, dreading being abandoned once again.  The tears just keep coming and will continue for a while.  My little heart can't handle making such a good friend and then loosing her to marriage.  I'm so happy for Heather, I really am.  But sad for me.  I'm alone again and I hate being alone.  It was so nice to have companionship.  I love Heather a lot and miss her terribly already.  She has been such a wonderful and loving friend.  I'm so grateful for the short few months we had to live together.  I learned a lot from her.  I only hope I was a loving friend to her and an influence for good. I'm happy for Heather and Adriaan as they begin their eternal family together.  I'm so glad they chose to be sealed in the temple and are righteous and worthy of eternal blessings.

I know it isn't the end.  But let's be honest, it is the beginning of the end.  At least, that is how it has always been. I still talk to my married friends periodically, get a Christmas card from them, and perhaps see them every once in a while.  But things are never the same. They are married now and I'm not.  Their priority is their husband and family. They are in a new dimension of life, emotionally, physically, and spiritually.  It is something I haven't experienced and don't understand.  Even though I am older than almost all of my married friends, I feel so much younger.  Being married makes them feel so much more mature than me.  I feel young, naive, clueless, and like we just don't relate anymore. I'm just the single "little sister" who doesn't understand and hasn't "grown up" yet.

I need a permanent friend and companion who won't abandon me.  I need an eternal companion. But I guess Heavenly Father has other plans for me right now and it's up to me to figure out what those plans are.

Looking back . . . 

Here are some of my best friends' weddings over the years. Good times! (There are a few missing that I still don't have pictures of.)  "Always a bridesmaid, never a bride" . . .  Funny thing is, I've never really officially been a bridesmaid, except at my friend Linda's wedding in Colombia.

To my married best friends: 

I love you.  I will love you forever.  I haven't forgotten you and never will.  You are always in my heart.  You are a part of who I am. You are tender mercies in my life. Thank you for your love and friendship. Thank you for your examples of righteousness, obedience, eternal marriage, and raising a family with Jesus Christ at the center of your home. Hugs!

More fears conquered

A little too much fun!

Why didn't anyone tell me how
awful my hair looked?

I completed another "first"!  I shot a gun! And according to my friend, I was pretty decent at it for a first timer, so watch out!  I had never touched a gun before in my life and I was nervous.  But my best friend, Heather, helped walk me through it and was right there to help. I think I hit the targets I was shooting at about half the time.  And most of my misses were because I started trying to double tap (shoot twice in a row).  Cool!  I secretly really enjoyed shooting!  :)

Thanks, Heather, for helping me conquer fears!

We went on a campout getaway in October and let's just say it was . . . memorable. Yes, it snowed.  I think the pictures tell the story quite nicely.  I really did have a great time though!

Doesn't this look like so much fun???

Not a waterproof tent . . . obviously

Cheese Wiz fun!

We stayed pretty warm in our snow covered tent

Heather and her Fiance, Adriaan. This photo is not photoshopped. The water really was that green!

 

I'm also working on another great fear of mine . . . SWIMMING! I haven't been able to swim. I'm skinny and I don't float. And various experiences throughout my life have led me dislike the water more and more.  So, Heather took me to the pool and patiently worked with me to get more comfortable in the water.  We realized my problem is that I don't know how to breathe! The concept of breathing out through the nose while under water and in through the mouth is completely backwards to me. No wonder! My underwater reflexes need some work. We "swam" for a good 2 hours. I only aspirated once and came up gasping and making terrible noises (it's kinda scary and really embarrassing).  I did a lot of practicing blowing bubbles. Back to the basics! It's going to take a while to conquer swimming.  But I'm working on it!

Graduated and on to "real life"

An update is long overdue!  The first big news is that I graduated from BYU with my Master's in Speech-Language Pathology. It was a long and hard two years and there were many barriers trying to keep me from graduating. But I did it!

A special thanks to "Trooper", my computer who was my constant companion and got me through grad school.  I wouldn't have been able to do it without him.  We even fell down the stairs together and he still has a big scar on his corner to this day.  He has gotten old and is retired now from his duties.  I only fire him up every once in a while.  He gets tired really fast and wants to turn back off (without warning me of course . . . hum... sounds like my patients).


Another thanks to "Backpack" who has been with me since my freshman year of college.  He endured 10 years of lugging heavy textbooks, laptops, and who knows what else.  And thanks to "Sebastian," my faithful car, who got me to classes, internships, the grocery store, and anywhere else I needed to go.

And most of all, thanks you to my wonderful family and friends (yes YOU!) who have given constant support and encouragement.  I would not be who I am today without you.


I am working as a speech therapist at a Rehabilitation and Nursing home.  It has been challenging and I am learning a lot. I am now a professional working woman, something I never wanted to be, but I'm interested to find out what Heavenly Father has in store for me and why He needed me to be a speech therapist. I know there is a reason for all things.