Always a bridesmaid . . .

I married off another best friend yesterday.  It get's harder each time.  I used to shed a few tears on the wedding day.  This time I bawled for weeks before the wedding, dreading being abandoned once again.  The tears just keep coming and will continue for a while.  My little heart can't handle making such a good friend and then loosing her to marriage.  I'm so happy for Heather, I really am.  But sad for me.  I'm alone again and I hate being alone.  It was so nice to have companionship.  I love Heather a lot and miss her terribly already.  She has been such a wonderful and loving friend.  I'm so grateful for the short few months we had to live together.  I learned a lot from her.  I only hope I was a loving friend to her and an influence for good. I'm happy for Heather and Adriaan as they begin their eternal family together.  I'm so glad they chose to be sealed in the temple and are righteous and worthy of eternal blessings.

I know it isn't the end.  But let's be honest, it is the beginning of the end.  At least, that is how it has always been. I still talk to my married friends periodically, get a Christmas card from them, and perhaps see them every once in a while.  But things are never the same. They are married now and I'm not.  Their priority is their husband and family. They are in a new dimension of life, emotionally, physically, and spiritually.  It is something I haven't experienced and don't understand.  Even though I am older than almost all of my married friends, I feel so much younger.  Being married makes them feel so much more mature than me.  I feel young, naive, clueless, and like we just don't relate anymore. I'm just the single "little sister" who doesn't understand and hasn't "grown up" yet.

I need a permanent friend and companion who won't abandon me.  I need an eternal companion. But I guess Heavenly Father has other plans for me right now and it's up to me to figure out what those plans are.

Looking back . . . 

Here are some of my best friends' weddings over the years. Good times! (There are a few missing that I still don't have pictures of.)  "Always a bridesmaid, never a bride" . . .  Funny thing is, I've never really officially been a bridesmaid, except at my friend Linda's wedding in Colombia.

To my married best friends: 

I love you.  I will love you forever.  I haven't forgotten you and never will.  You are always in my heart.  You are a part of who I am. You are tender mercies in my life. Thank you for your love and friendship. Thank you for your examples of righteousness, obedience, eternal marriage, and raising a family with Jesus Christ at the center of your home. Hugs!